Grasshopper was nervous. It was 11:50 and Dicky was nowhere to be found, he had not arrived at work yet. Normally the absence wouldn’t bother Grasshopper but he was supposed to be off desk duties at noon and had other work he wanted perform. Ironically, Grasshopper waited in anticipation for Dicky’s arrival.
The minutes rolled on the clock in much the same way the Sun reaches its zenith. Slowly, but surely.
11:51, 52, 53, 54 and onwards…
Nothing. There was no trace of Dicky. Not sound, not sight, not even the manly scent of his musky cologne… or colon as Grasshopper would joke in homophonic irony.
Finally, at 11:59, and mere seconds before the clock reached noon, the door to the workplace opened. From around the corner of the door frame, Dicky appeared at the desk and proudly stated:
“It’s twelve o’clock without a minute to spare. The Dicky has arrived for his duties.” Dicky then stood upright and began to speak at Grasshopper.
“It is important that we arrive at the exact moment we are expected for things, Grasshopper. For do you realize that if The Dicky were to come in just one minute early every single day this year, it works out to almost 365 minutes at the end! My God in Heaven in all his holy decency, why should The Dicky work that much extra time without getting paid!?”
Grasshopper thought for a minute. Dicky’s statement made sense in the moments before his reasoning processes kicked in. However, once the gears of his mind begun to spin, and only just slightly above idling, something was feeling odd about Dicky’s rationale.
“But what about the times you return 10 minutes late from lunch?” queried Grasshopper. “What about the mornings you are stuck in traffic or just plain arrive late? What about the myriad of times that people couldn’t find you during the hours of the workday?
I would think that, at the very least, there must be some sort of give and take between arriving early and the late arrival. Furthermore, if you walk in at the very moment the work day begins and then spend the next 10-15 minutes settling in, aren’t you taking minutes away from the work day?”
Dicky did not hesistate a moment when Grasshopper was finished for he didn’t need to; the argument was already played out in his head to perfection.
“Grassy, grassy, grassy… we work for a company that has millions of dollars, they can afford the lost time. In fact, The Dicky’s whole salary is a mere drop in the bucket for them.”
“Erm…” replied Grasshopper, it was as much as he could muster at the start. “But isn’t that a false rationalization? I mean, aren’t you saying that they should pay you whether you are at work or not? And the reason they should is because they have money?”
“For those who can afford it, money is meaningless.” Dicky held out his hands in a prophetic way that looked somewhat clever and silly at the same time.
“Makes absolute sense to me!” rejoiced Grasshopper.
Quickly changing the subject, Grasshopper said to Dicky “Say, I couldn’t help but notice your car is in need of a wash. If you like, I can wash it during my lunch break for the reasonable price of $10.”
Dicky seized this moment of opportunity for indeed it was a good deal.
However, Dicky’s sense of good fortune quickly diminished when, upon closing time, he walked out to see his car had yet to be cleaned. He quickly confronted Grasshopper about his dissatisfaction. Dicky asked how this could be and demanded a response from Grasshopper.
“It is true, I am late with washing your car… But can you not afford this lateness? I mean, isn’t $10 a mere drop in the bucket of your entire salary?”
The conversation ended. Dicky drove away. Grasshopper went out and ordered drinks for him and a friend with his hard earned $10.”